I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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