It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
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How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
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Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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