i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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