it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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