Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize