I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
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Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
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she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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