You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize