I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
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mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
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Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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