The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
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Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
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We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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