i would punch a child for taco bell
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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