Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
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i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
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Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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