"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
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He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
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We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
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