In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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