____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
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