Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Randomize