So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
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