I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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