awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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