i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
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i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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