I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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