i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
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I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
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I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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