trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
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I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
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Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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