So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
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It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
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I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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