he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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