Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize