the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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