I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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