I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize