I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
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As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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