life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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