Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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