I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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