Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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