Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize