I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
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