you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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