i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
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There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
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We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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