you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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