So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize