Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
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at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
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We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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