Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize