Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
sarcasm needs its own font
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Randomize