sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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