I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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