Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize