My sheets look like a crime scene.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize