you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize