You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Well I just put wine in my tea
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize