I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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