You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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