No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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