My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize