tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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